My Internets went kaput!

My cable modem went to see Jesus last night about 9:30 in the evening. First things got a little slow, and then they got really slow!

This is when I took to the phone to get in touch with my ISP, which is Comcast Internet.

I was put on the phone with a person “of politically privileged pigmentation” who happened to be a female. I told her my situation clearly and naturally she started telling me that I had to reset everything. I grumbled, and I argued for a few minutes.  Finally to please her, I did all of the resets — modem and routers. While I was doing that, guess what happens? She actually hangs up on me. This was about the time that my blood pressure went to mach 500.

Also during me trying to reset everything; the modem stopped connecting to the internet service at all. Which really had me fuming. What started out as a simple call for slow internet, turned into a dead modem fiasco.

I hung the phone up, uttered a couple unmentionable words about her hanging up and about her “politically privileged pigmentation” and called back. I went through the automated system again and again reached another female of “politically privileged pigmentation” and proceeded to give her a piece of my mind. When I was done, I was promised a phone call at 8:00 am prompt and a service call with a new modem shortly afterward.

There was only one problem:

It never freakin’ happened!

I laid down at 11:00 pm and naturally, being the night-owl that I am, I woke back up at about 3:30 in the morning. I couldn’t go back to sleep for nothing. So, I got up, made me a little snack, watched TV, piddled around and finally 8:00 am rolls around and….

Nothing. 

By about 9:30, I had steam rolling out of my ears. I called back and got some white guy; who sounded like he had smoked a few cartons of Marlboro 100’s and bag of weed before coming to work. He apologized, and tried to please and then….again, wanted me to reset my silly routers, which at this point were not even connected to the silly cable modem, as I had it directly connected to the laptop. Finally, I got pissed and I said the magic words:

“If you idiots are not here by 12:00 NOON to fix my internet and swap this modem out, Wow Cable and Internet will be getting a new customer — and your stupid Cable Boxes and Cable Modem will be waiting for you on the porch on MONDAY!”

…and, with that — I hung up the phone. I was very highly annoyed with Comcast internet and if I were paying the bill, which I do not, my Father does; Comcast would already be minus a customer!

A couple of hours go by and I informed my Mother and Father about what happened; number one that Comcast’s Customer Service reps straight up lied to me about what time I would be getting a call, and then how the woman the previous night had hung up on me. My Father and Mother were not amused either.

Then, something rather odd happened:

Comcast called back…..and they got my Dad.

I have no idea what exactly my Father said to them; but whoo boy did they ever get an ear full! You see, my Father, like myself; is not too big on people who tell lies — especially when he happens to be having to foot the bill, for a service that is not working. 😯

You see, my Father is from Middlesboro, Kentucky, and we southern folk are not too keen on two things — Thieves and Liars.  Which is why I despise Democrats.  I should also mention that Comcast called back, twice after the first call back and talked to my Father again and my Mother. This is when the call went out for a tech to my place ASAP!

So, finally:

Somebody showed up!

Not only did I get a new modem, I got a new wiring job, from the pole to the splitter!  New hole drilled, and a very nice wiring job out back.

Nice tech, young guy, 31 years old. Very smart. Very friendly too.

My old modem, which died:

My old RCA modem that went Kaput! (Pardon my dust. I should do that more, I guess. But I don’t. I’m a guy, SUE ME! 😉 )

Was replaced with this one here:

It’s a Motorola cable modem. (Again, pardon my dust…)

Once it was done, and the tech left; I proceeded to fix the routers and now I have normal functioning internet again….finally! 😀

Now, that this little episode is over, I am going to take a nap — I need it, I am quite thoroughly pooped. Three hours of sleep, is three hours of sleep and I am about whipped.

A note to Comcast internet: Be glad my parents are paying the bills and not me. Because if I was, you would already be history. You got lucky, really lucky.