Sorry, but you cannot write jokes this funny. 
Via the Detroit Free Press:
Police found a drunk, naked man on a Pontiac street after he apparently stole an acquaintance’s car and crashed it into a tree early Sunday.
A 22-year-old Pontiac woman called police at 2:05 a.m. Sunday claiming the 35-year-old man stole her car as she was letting it warm up in the driveway of a home on West Howard. He then drove it across the street and ran into a tree, she told Oakland County Sheriff’s Office deputies.
Officers found him nearby, drunk and naked, with evidence that he had just been assaulted. He was too drunk to tell them what happened, according to investigator.
There are no words. 
