Wait a second…. Lizard? What the heck was Charles Johnson doing in Michigan?!?! 
I kid….I kid… 
The story comes via Detroit Free Press:
Authorities say a Michigan man has been taken to a hospital after being bitten by his 4-foot-long pet lizard.
The Macomb Daily of Mount Clemens reports emergency workers were called Sunday night to the home in Macomb County’s Lenox Township, about 35 miles northeast of Detroit.
Lenox Township Fire Chief Dennis Fouchia says it’s the first time he’s encountered a reptile bite in his career.
Here is the real funny part of the story, or at least I think it is funny:
The pet owner was expected to be treated and released. Additional details about the man and the circumstances surrounding the bite weren’t released.
Well, let’s see here; the Lizard was most likely hungry and really wanted something to eat and this guys hand — was, um…. Handy? 
Yeah, I know, I’m terrible. Sue me. 