Category: Funny

Local News: When naked drunks attack

Sorry, but you cannot write jokes this funny. Hee hee

Via the Detroit Free Press:

Police found a drunk, naked man on a Pontiac street after he apparently stole an acquaintance’s car and crashed it into a tree early Sunday.

A 22-year-old Pontiac woman called police at 2:05 a.m. Sunday claiming the 35-year-old man stole her car as she was letting it warm up in the driveway of a home on West Howard. He then drove it across the street and ran into a tree, she told Oakland County Sheriff’s Office deputies.

Officers found him nearby, drunk and naked, with evidence that he had just been assaulted. He was too drunk to tell them what happened, according to investigator.

There are no words. LaughingRolling on the floorNot talking

 

12 is such a lovely number

The Video:

The Story:

Kiam Moriya, from Birmingham Alabama, was born on December 12, 2000 12 minutes after midday, in Bronxville, New York.

“It’s like one minute out of a whole lifetime,” Kiam told AL.com. “You know, it’s all 12s.”

Kiam was not due until later January or early February, but was seven weeks premature, making the birthday all the more remarkable.

Statisticians from the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention said about four million babies were born in the US in 2000, with an average of about 11,000 per day – or about eight babies every minute.

12/12/12 is seen as somewhat of a lucky date, with lots of couples planning to marry on the day.

via Boy turns 12 on 12/12/12 at 12.12pm – Telegraph.

Now number one on the other hand:

Getting robbed in a jail parking lot?

Alternative headline: “Somebody really, really, really, really, really, really, wants to go to jail so bad!”  I mean, free meals, free bed, group showers. Hey, it beats living in the streets. The complimentary forced anal sex might be a bit rough, but you take the good with the bad. 😆 😀 😛 😯

If you cannot be safe in the parking lot of Rikers Island, America is in some deep trouble and we are seriously screwed. 🙄

From a thief’s point of view, the place had a lot of potential.

It was big, with lots of room to work. Rows and rows of cars that almost certainly contained valuables left behind by their owners, more so than on a normal city street. What was more, the cars were almost guaranteed to be unattended for at least two or three hours while the owners were away.

The location’s only drawback: it was the parking lot for visitors to Rikers Island. At the other end of a long bridge sat the huge jail complex that held the inmates these drivers were visiting. That must deter many potential thieves.

But not all.

It was Oct. 7, a Sunday, typically a busy day when family members who cannot come on a weekday find time to visit.

One of them was Ailsa Williams, 39. She was going to see her son, whose name and crime she declined to share in an interview. She had been visiting for months and was prepared for the long day ahead, beginning with this parking lot.

“There aren’t enough spots,” Ms. Williams said. “The ones that are there aren’t outlined properly.” The lot is irregularly shaped, sort of a triangle. The broad end is occupied by an administrative office in a trailer. Below it are narrowing rows of parking spots, ending in the tip, where she found a spot.

She did something no right-thinking New Yorker would normally do elsewhere. She left all her things in the car.

via Unlikely Spot for a Break-In – The Rikers Parking Lot – NYTimes.com.

I hate to might like someone else’s misfortune; but some things are just too funny to pass up. 😀

 

LAURA INGRAHAM is off the air temporarily

Bet she comes back in a week:

NEW YORK (AP) — Radio talk show host Laura Ingraham is off the air – at least temporarily.

She said Tuesday that she’s leaving her distributor, Talk Radio Network, after more than nine years because her contract is up. Ingraham said she is in discussions with other distributors about her show, which currently airs on 325 stations nationally.

Talkers magazine says the conservative Ingraham is the most-listened to woman on radio, with an estimated 5.75 million listeners a week. Talkers said that ranks her among the top eight radio hosts overall.

In the meantime, she said she’ll keep her opinions flowing on her website, on Twitter and during Fox News Channel appearances.

via News from The Associated Press.

Good Lord, what will Stephanie Miller make fun of now? 😉

 

Turkey’s might be people, but they sure do taste good!

Some hilarity from the Washington Times (!):

It is so predictable that only the amusingly named Center for Consumer Freedom, which complains about Mothers Against Drunk Driving, minimum wage, environmental protection, and human and animal welfare groups, could possibly object to People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals‘ (PETA) recent efforts to promote the ever-growing vegetarian food industry and make the world a kinder place for turkeys (Inside the Beltway: “Vegetarians have a squawk,” Nov. 21).

I’ve met turkeys, and they never did anything that merited decapitation. Not harming someone or something is common decency. Being decent should be the norm. If we worry only about seeing our grandchildren grow up, we should remember PETA has a point: It’s never too late to go vegetarian.

KATIE MOORE

Baltimore

via Turkeys are people, too – Washington Times.

I am writing this, because I just finished eating some Thanksgiving leftovers, which were better the second time around.

Turkey’s might be people too, but they sure do taste good on thanksgiving, more so when you have leftovers.

FWIW, I have yet to find a “people” or humans that taste as good as Turkey on thanksgiving. 😉