Category: Humor

Funny Quote of the Day

Lollar, a general manager at Cintas, is unabashed when it comes to addressing accusations of racism by the tea party movement’s opponents. “Can you believe that I have been accused of being a racist?” he asked the college Republicans. “Somebody once called me a racist. I looked at them and said, ‘My wife’s black — I can’t be!’” he joked to the crowd at a tea party rally in March.

Heh: Congress passes a Healthcare Bill and Kicks themselves off their own Healthcare Insurance

Now before I quote this news article, imagine with me a cage full of little white mice. There’s about 100 or so of ’em in there. Now outside that cage is a big block of nice American cheese. Said mice spot said cheese and proceed to open said cage. Now the last mouse out, named Louie, who’s a bit of a fat ass drunk, accidentally bumps the cage’s door and it locks behind them. Well, the mice don’t seem to notice, all they see, is the cheese. Well, outside that cage also a huge cat, and a hungry one at that. 😯 😮 Panic. Keep this rather humorous thought in mind, while you read the following.

Via the NYT: (H/T to HotAir and Instapundit)

“It is unclear whether members of Congress and Congressional staff who are currently participating in F.E.H.B.P. may be able to retain this coverage,” the research service said in an 8,100-word memorandum.

And even if current members of Congress can stay in the popular program for federal employees, that option will probably not be available to newly elected lawmakers, the report says.

Moreover, it says, the strictures of the new law will apply to staff members who work in the personal office of a member of Congress. But they may or may not apply to people who work on the staff of Congressional committees and in “leadership offices” like those of the House speaker and the Democratic and Republican leaders and whips in the two chambers.

These seemingly technical questions will affect 535 members of Congress and thousands of Congressional employees. But the issue also has immense symbolic and political importance. Lawmakers of both parties have repeatedly said their goal is to provide all Americans with access to health insurance as good as what Congress has.

Congress must now decide what steps, if any, it can take to deal with the problem. It could try for a legislative fix, or it could adopt internal policies to minimize any disruptions.

In its painstaking analysis of the new law, the research service says the impact on Congress itself and the intent of Congress are difficult to ascertain.

The law apparently bars members of Congress from the federal employees health program, on the assumption that lawmakers should join many of their constituents in getting coverage through new state-based markets known as insurance exchanges.

But the research service found that this provision was written in an imprecise, confusing way, so it is not clear when it takes effect.

The new exchanges do not have to be in operation until 2014. But because of a possible “drafting error,” the report says, Congress did not specify an effective date for the section excluding lawmakers from the existing program.

Under well-established canons of statutory interpretation, the report said, “a law takes effect on the date of its enactment” unless Congress clearly specifies otherwise. And Congress did not specify any other effective date for this part of the health care law. The law was enacted when President Obama signed it three weeks ago.

In addition, the report says, Congress did not designate anyone to resolve these “ambiguities” or to help arrange health insurance for members of Congress in the future.

“This omission, whether intentional or inadvertent, raises questions regarding interpretation and implementation that cannot be definitively resolved by the Congressional Research Service,” the report says. “The statute does not appear to be self-executing, but rather seems to require an administrating or implementing authority that is not specifically provided for by the statutory text.”

The White House said last month that Mr. Obama would voluntarily participate in the health insurance exchange, though the law does not require him or other administration officials to do so. His participation as president may depend on his getting re-elected in 2012.

Representative Jason Chaffetz, Republican of Utah, said lawmakers were in the same boat as many Americans, trying to figure out what the new law meant for them.

“If members of Congress cannot explain how it’s going to work for them and their staff, how will they explain it to the rest of America?” Mr. Chaffetz asked in an interview.

Go on over there and read that; I’ve never seen so much rat panic in my life. Thus proving that you should always READ THE FARKING BILL! 🙄

Humor: Growing Up Without a Cell Phone

(H/T to my biggest fan, My Mom. 😉 )

—–

If you are 30, or older, you might think this is hilarious!
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious
diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up, what with
walking twenty-five miles to school every morning….Uphill…
Barefoot…BOTH ways… yadda, yadda, yadda.
Regards,
The Over 30 Crowd
—-
See! That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too
easy. You’re spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in
1980 or any time before!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I
was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and
how easy they’ve got it! But now that I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I
can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so
easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in Utopia!
And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don’t know how good you’ve got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have the Internet. If we wanted to know
something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the
card catalog!! There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter – with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox,
and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!
Child Protective Services didn’t care if our parents beat us. As a matter of
fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere
was safe!

There were no MP3’s or Napster or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you
had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would
usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players!
We had tape decks in our car. We’d play our favorite tape and “eject” it when
finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless.
Cause, hey, that’s how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone
and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that’s it!
There weren’t any freakin’ cell phones either. If you left the house, you just
didn’t make a call or receive one. You actually had to be out of
touch with your “friends”. OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror… not being in
touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there’s TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.
And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea
who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your
drug dealer, the collection agent… you just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it
up and take your chances, mister!

We didn’t have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution
3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like ‘Space Invaders’ and
‘Asteroids’. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your
imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one
screen… Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder
and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You
were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and
walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what’s the
world coming to?!?!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on
Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I’m saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for
cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!
And we didn’t have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to
use the stove! Imagine that! And our parents told us to stay outside and play… all day long.
Oh no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside…
you were doing chores! And car seats – oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on.
If you were luckily, you got the “safety arm” across the chest at the last
moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling “shot gun” in the first place!

and all of the 30 and over crowd said….

Amen! 😉

Confirmed: Alan Grayson is a Demented Loon

Video: (H/T Malkin)

Via Tea Party Patriots Live (Which seems to be having hosting issues): (Cribbed from Malkin’s Blog)

On Thursday, April 8th, 2010, Congressman Alan Grayson, Democrat in Florida’s 8th district, interrupted a district meeting of the local Orange County Republican Executive Committee. The meeting was being held at Perkins, a family restaurant.

…Matthew Falconer, candidate for Orange County Mayor, quickly challenged Alan’s rudeness. Grayson demanded not to be interrupted, but Falconer quickly reminded the congressman that he is in fact interrupting their meeting.

Linda O’Keefe, member of the Orange County Republican Executive Committee and extraordinary patriot volunteer with the Orlando Tea Party said, “I’m wondering if Grayson realizes that we do still, for now, have the right to assemble! But can’t we have a meeting without being interrupted by our congressman?”

Currently, there are 12, Republican candidates looking to send Alan Grayson to the unemployment line in November.

Tom Tillison of the Tea Party Patriots Live radio show and the Orlando Tea Party, had quite a lively discussion with Alan afterwards for 10 minutes. Tillison said, “I let him know that he’s a congressman and he needs to act like one. I reminded him that these are his constinuents.” Tillison asked Grayson, “Don’t you feel that you at least owe them an explanation for your recent votes?”, to which Alan replied, “I don’t owe them anything, they’re trying to defeat me.”

Tillison followed, “You are a U.S. Congressman and you approach these people acting like a thug.”….to which Grayson responded that he was “being attacked.”

and this:

Matthew Falconer, early Friday, released this statement:

“On Thursday April 8th I was attending a meeting of the Orange County Republican Executive Committee at a Perkins Family Restaurant in Windermere. About 30 Republicans were meeting when Democratic Congressman Alan Grayson barged into our meeting ranting about how we put spies into an Organizing for America meeting.

As I was sitting with Orange County Republican Chairman Lew Oliver, I stood up to Grayson and demand he apologize to Lew for the vial (sic) comments he made recently (Grayson said “Lew Oliver could not find a $20 bill if it was stuck in his A**”). Grayson yelled at me for interrupting him when I reminded Grayson he was interrupting our meeting.

The conflict was caught on video showing Alan Grayson, a U.S. Congressman, standing in the middle of a family restaurant screaming at his constituents. Politics aside, I do not think the man has the emotional stability or integrity to represent us in the U.S. Congress.

Grayson pledged to use his own personal funds to defeat me in my race for Orange County Mayor (supporting his Democratic friend Bill Segal). He then told me to get my “a** out of his face.”

I am in awe of the lack of respect he showed for the customers of this restaurant and his constituents.”

I would say something rather snarky about him being a demented Jew, but I am afraid Debbie the psycho from Southfield, might file stalking charges against me and Pamela the Arab hater would bad mouth me, so I shall refrain. 😛

Just remember this folks come 2010 and 2012.

Some Bloggers have all the luck

Some Bloggers have readers that actually donate, so that they can actually go places. Me? I’m stuck here. It sucks, but it’s reality; and right now, reality bites. 🙁

First of all, check out ol’ “Bernard Casanova” here:

Looks like a red-headed pimp on a stick! 🙄 😆

Meanwhile, I’m sitting, a little bit peeved. I was checking out my AdSense revenue page today and I blurted out, rather loudly, “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!?!?!?” (Update: Heh… I fixed that… I had my tango’s and my Foxtrot’s backwards…. 🙄 )

Check it out:

You can click on that to make it bigger…

I mean, I do not mean to gripe; but heck, 488 visits today or ad impressions and NOBODY is clicking?!?!?! What the hell? Did I finally chase off my last remaining people who dared to click my ads and give me a little support? To be fair, I did kinda rip on Sarah Palin, a little; because I thought what she did was stupid, I still do. I also think her trying to tell President Obama how to run the Country is stupid too. As it turns out, I am not the only one who feels that way. So, ya’ll can try and starve me out all you want; but it is not going to change the way I feel about Palin. 🙄 😛 😀

Per Google’s rules, I am not allow to give instructions on my ads; they can yank my account for it. So, I will simply say… If you know what I mean and I think you do and If you REALLY know what I mean, and I hope like HELL that you do. 😉 I could really use the help right about now guys….uh, Guys? Guys?!?!?! HELLO?!?!? 😯

So, while ol’ “Bernard Casanova” is in the big squeezey (Easy) I’m sitting here, looking like a hung over Ernest Borgnine, feeling kinda cheesy.

All is not lost however, at least I am not Michael Steele: (H/T AllahPundit, my favorite Blogger, at the moment….)

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Michael Steele Plays the Race Card
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTea Party

BREAKING NEWS: Air Marshalls stop attempted 'Shoe Bomber' on flight from D.C. to Denver

Oh Boy, here we go again…. 😯

(H/T Ace of Spades HQ)

The Report from ABC NEWS, The story is yet to break National News or they’re working on it:

Federal air marshals subdued a man who authorities say attempted to “light his shoes on fire” on a United flight from Washington Reagan to Denver Wednesday night, federal law enforcement officials told ABC News.

Authorities say an explosive team is on the way to the airport, and that while the presence of explosives has not yet been confirmed, they believe it was an attempted “shoe bomb.”

The suspect was identified by authorities as a diplomat in the Qatar embassy in Washington, Mohammed al Modadi. The FBI said the man had full diplomat immunity as the 3rd secretary and vice-consul.

Authorities said two jet fighters were scrambled from Buckley Air Force Base to accompany United flight 663, a Boeing 757, as it flew the final 40 miles to Denver where it landed safely.

Authorities said the man, identified as from Qatar, was restrained by the air marshals who were on the flight.

The United jet was reportedly being directed to a remote location at the Denver airport.

A spokesman for the FBI in Denver declined to comment.

This is not good at all. This could cause some serious problems for Obama’s strategy on the war on terror.

Update: Fox News, MSNBC, and CNN story alerts up. Update #2: all have stories up now.

MSNBC (ugh!) is now reporting, that this dude was in the bathroom, and was smoking in the can. When someone, not sure whom, asked him what he was doing. He replied, “Well, I was setting my shoes on fire…” Apparently, the douche nozzle was kidding around. Well, the only one laughing was him! 😮 Anyhow, looks like this idiot is going back Qutar. MSNBC is giving the name of the person. I will print it, when it comes up. Update #3: Mohammed al-Modadi is his name. (H/T AP)

Gabe over at Ace reports:

ABOVE THE POST UPDATE (11:00): According to CNN, another diplomat is saying that this is a misunderstanding. The story is that the man was smoking in the lavatory and when challenged by an air marshal, he mouthed off sarcastically “I was trying to light my shoe on fire.”

So they nabbed him and scrambled the jets.

D’oh! 🙄

Um, Just a thought… But, terrorism ain’t funny. 😡

Update #4: Josh Marshall wonders:

I mean, are we really to believe that this guy took his having diplomatic immunity as free rein to crack a joke about need to light his shoe bomb? I’m curious whether under international law a diplomat can be expelled from a host country simply for being a raging c@#k.

Heh. Good question. 😛

Update #5: AllahPundit Snarks:

What we may be looking at here is the scariest smoke break in aviation history.

Ha! I wonder if AllahPundit will represent him in Court, if he sues the United States Government for false arrest? If he does, somebody better let Liz Cheney know, after all, we have to know who’s defending terrorists; whether real or wanna-be smart asses. 😉 I mean, that is the McCarthyism way, is it not? 😀

Update #6: Our Assclown of the day can be seen here. He is on the right. (H/T to Wizbang for the find…)